[elaine130]

I agree with bagcrazy - sometimes you have to just stop and tackle the subject when BOTH members are clear minded. Even when I believe my dh is in the wrong, it's good to take the time to also think about what I did wrong and could have done better.

After being with my dh going on 8 years... I have come to realize that he just does NOT like to apologize and both of his now-divorced parents NEVER apologized to one another. They were very competitive and my dh learned that to apologize is to admit defeat.

But before this realization, during our first few years of marriage, I argued with him until I cried because I felt he didn't understand my point or why I was angry and thus I was incensed that he didn't even CARE that he upset me. But he would not give in one inch. Then I'd give him that silent treatment for the next day and he still would not give in. When I'd finally break and fume about how he could possibly not care... then he too would say that he already forgot!

These days, I agree with Bagcrazy because "sleeping on it" ALSO allows ME to rethink the argument and see what I did wrong (like trying to impose MY standards on him) and how I could make it better (I need to remember that he does things differently, as do I).

Ultimately, I end up being the first one to apologize, which KILLS me (!) BUT I see myself as being the "bigger person" (HA!) and I need to remember that my dh didn't have the best role models with regard to conflict management. I also need to add that dh is a lawyer + athletic = MAJOR competitiveness! What I love about my dh is also something I can occasionally hate... but that's the way love goes!