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Originally Posted by kitsch_k
awww thanks for the advice guys..especially you elaine its really obvious you put a lot of thought in my situation. its difficult there are a lot of considerations...hmm..right now im just confused.period. i do answer his calls though but im still not crossing that line you know where you start expecting again? there are still a lot of things to be figured out so im just guarding and protecting myself and my feelings  |
I can't imagine what you're going through, Kitsch. It must be so very difficult... but know that your friends and loved ones are rooting for you! You're in my prayers, hon. Hang in there.
I guess I had a lot to say because I dated many guys who were also very confusing - I'm sure I was equally confusing to them as well. I saw each failed relationship as a waste of precious time but now in hindsight, I see that they were learning opportunities because had I never would have been available to find the true love of my life (at 31), then fallen in love and married him had I not learned about myself, and what I needed in a partner! I know my dh enjoyed his single days as well and dated extensively so he, too, was well aware of what he was looking for by the time he hit his mid-40's... and I am soooo blessed it was me!
Anyways, I must share something I learned from one of my self-help book (can't recall which - I've read so many!). The dating process is like a game of darts. From start to finish, every relationship is like throwing a dart: At first you're new at it and your dart lands outside the bullseye. But then as you have more relationships, you learn more about yourself and what you want or don't want (and also what you can tolerate and what is absolutely unacceptable) in a partner. The more you date, the better you get (ie., the more you learn about yourself and the partner that's right for you) and then your darts land closer and closer to the bullseye.
The key to this theory is that not every guy out there is for you, nor are you for every guy! You really have to honestly assess the relationship and if necessary, cut ties and move on so you (and he) can be free to throw another dart that will either land on the bullseye or get even closer. Maybe some people never throw more than one dart and are fortunate to hit the bullseye right away and marry their childhood sweetheart. Or maybe you throw a couple of darts, give up and stay with a guy who is not even close to the target, but give up the game and settle for second best. How many people live a life of regret wondering... what if? Just look at our divorce rate!
The tricky thing is that the guy also has to go thru the process of dating and getting closer and closer to the bullseye and hopefully, with serendipitous timing, the two miraculously meet and live happily ever after *sigh!*
Well, that's more of my two cents. I hope it helps you and anyone else as frustrated with the dating scene as I was!
Just remember... there's hope...