So the husband has decided.....

[Fizz]

My husband has decided that he wants us to have another child. When he first brought it up, I totally blew off the idea. I'm in my late thirties and he's in his early 40's, the idea seemed somewhat insane. This is a major lifestyle changer even before a baby actually arrives. He's starting to wear me down, because it seems to be very important to him. What in the world would cause a man his age to want to have another child? Could this be part of a mid-life crisis?

[carebear]

It could be. Perhaps he still wants to know he can still pro create. Get him a puppy.

[britjojo]

Totally a midlife crisis I think. I think you have to consider how your body feels since its you who will have to carry the child. It might be worth trying to figure out what need he is trying to fill.

[kitsch_k]

maybe he wants to inject more life into your home? a baby always livens up the house

[Barbara]

Maybe it is a midlife thing.You need to talk it out maybe he can tell you why.Hope everything works out.

[elaine130]

Originally Posted by Fizz

My husband has decided that he wants us to have another child. When he first brought it up, I totally blew off the idea. I'm in my late thirties and he's in his early 40's, the idea seemed somewhat insane. This is a major lifestyle changer even before a baby actually arrives. He's starting to wear me down, because it seems to be very important to him. What in the world would cause a man his age to want to have another child? Could this be part of a mid-life crisis?

Fizz - i didn't hear you say that you were completely against the idea... so are you somewhat open to having another child, even if you're being realistic that it would change your lifestyle? or are you deadset against it altogether?

[littlecat123]

I would love to have another child. Mine is almost 17. However, I actually physically cannot and my husband has no interest in adopting.

I guess the grass is always greener. I always wanted about 7 kids. I guess I'm lucky to have one.

[kitsch_k]

what is the main reason why you are completely against the idea? if the question is too personal its ok if you dont answer i would completely understand

[Fizz]

Ladies, it is simply impossible to get anything by Elaine, she's just to sharp. Truthfully, I'm on the fence. The reason I would be against it is because of our age and the complete lifestyle change. Our son will be graduating high school in 4 years and our daughter in six years. If we had another child now, it would be starting all over.

[elaine130]

Originally Posted by littlecat123

. I always wanted about 7 kids. I guess I'm lucky to have one.

If I were 10 yrs. younger (but still married to my dh) I'd love to have 2 boys and 2 girls! Having a boy and a girl (plus ALL the pets!) is all that my dh and I can handle without going completely insane!

[kitsch_k]

Originally Posted by Fizz

Ladies, it is simply impossible to get anything by Elaine, she's just to sharp. Truthfully, I'm on the fence. The reason I would be against it is because of our age and the complete lifestyle change. Our son will be graduating high school in 4 years and our daughter in six years. If we had another child now, it would be starting all over.

yeah i understand..u want to move on to the next phase..he wants to go the baby phase once again

[etali]

So you're looking forward to having some time to yourself for a change? Do you have plans for once the kids are older? I think you should talk to him about that. Maybe he misses having a 'little baby' - they do grow up so fast... or maybe he just doesn't know what he will do with himself without kids around?

[Fizz]

I think we both miss the kids being small, that was a special time. You know they would do something cute and we would look at each other and smile. What he says is the reason for us to have another child right now is because we have the best relationship we have ever had and he says that having a child now would be special.

[britjojo]

I can see where both of you are coming from, and I sympathise. I am in the situation right now that I would love to be able to have another child, but as a singleton who is still married to another man, I can't see it happening.

Perhaps he is also feeling that he doesn't want the chance to slip by before you both really do get to be too old?

[elaine130]

Well, I must say that just yesterday my dh and I had a wonderful day with our almost 6 yr. old son and almost 3 yr. old daughter. My girl is in a very precious stage right now and my dh and I always say to one another that we'd love for her to "stay" exactly this age - so adorable and precious! LOL

But the reality is that a little one can be very demanding of your time - taking it "away" from your other kids as well as your dh! And then there's the postponement of Me Time. So consider your ability to manage/divide your time wisely (I need advice on that too!) and also your willingness to postpone any other future personal goals or family goals (like travel abroad, back to school, etc.) for another 4-5 yrs. or so. And same for your dh as well as other members of the family.

Yet also consider how fast 4-5 yrs. will go by in a blink of an eye. It really does, right? Would there be anything else that you would rather pursue in the next few years that would lead you to regret having another child? Can it be postponed?

I also think about how wonderful it was for me growing up in my own big family - I have 4 siblings and it was wonderful and still is great to get together esp. during holidays. But we also had to scrimp and save because of all the mouths to feed. So there's a lot to consider. Let us know what you're thinking!

[kitsch_k]

yeah i grew up in a big family too...it was financially difficult but we grew up a really tight and happy bunch..it was fun to have instant playmates..up to now..we hang out together and we share the same group of friends!

[elaine130]

... and with regard to age Fizz, don't worry too much! Just go to an ob/gyn who specializes in high-risk pregnancies (such as twins) so they can monitor you. To clarify my previous post - I'm also in my late 30's and my dh is in his early 50's. If I had the ENERGY and didn't want to attend grad school... I too would want to have another child or two.

I loved being pregnant, loved having a baby, disliked the terrible two's, but now is a great "honeymoon" stage with both kids. And big families are awesome! Like Kitsch said, a baby livens up the home. And also by the way you phrased the ages of your kids as approaching h.s. graduation, it sounds like you're already thinking about the "empty nest."

I know it's Hollywood and all but I always loved watching the Brady Bunch, Partridge Family, 8 is enough, 7th Heaven and Brothers and Sisters! So what does YOUR ideal family look like?

And what are your plans with dh when your son and daughter go away to college?

[Fizz]

You've all said a lot that gives me plenty to think on, but one thing really grabbed my attention. Elaine you asked what our plans are when our children go to college, fact is we hadn't even thought about it and we should. We concentrated so much on our family, I don't even think we've considered what things will be like once they are out of the house.

[elaine130]

That's why they say that married couples should have a date night at least once a week and that they should agree NOT to talk about the kids. Ha! It's not so easy to do. Especially when a family's life revolves around the kids. So you'd better start NOW that you're aware... develop hobbies together, play sports, go to movies, travel, do something only you and dh enjoy! Then maybe you'll be so busy you and dh may rethink having another child. Or vice versa!

[Fizz]

Definetly not an easy task. We don't have the luxury of being able to afford to go out very often and when we do, we tend to talk about the kids. You know, something always comes up.

[dreamr802]

It could be part of his mid-life crisis but then again he could also want another child to make him feel like he's young.