Do You Tell Yourself he is the Last?

[britjojo]

I really think that I cannot do this again. This is it for me; my life now is myself and my little girl. One after another men in my life have treated me like crap or hurt or used me, and I am now of the opinion that there is no one for me. I am happier alone.

[etali]

I'm sorry to hear you feel that way, you must have been through some real bad times with guys.

I've had some lunatic exes, but I found the right guy in the end. Mine came along when I wasn't looking

My suggestion is, enjoy being single, be the best mom you can be to your little girl, but be open minded if someone does come in to your life.

[bagcrazy]

Originally Posted by etali

I'm sorry to hear you feel that way, you must have been through some real bad times with guys.

I've had some lunatic exes, but I found the right guy in the end. Mine came along when I wasn't looking

My suggestion is, enjoy being single, be the best mom you can be to your little girl, but be open minded if someone does come in to your life.

I completely agree. Someone may just come along when you least expect it.

[kitsch_k]

i might be too optimistic here...but i really believe if you are happy on your own, somebody worthy will see that and fall in love with you because you're not needy and you already complete yourself so you wont be too dependent on him.

[elaine130]

Originally Posted by kitsch_k

i might be too optimistic here...but i really believe if you are happy on your own, somebody worthy will see that and fall in love with you because you're not needy and you already complete yourself so you wont be too dependent on him.

Kitsch - you're being REAListic! It is about YOU being happy and content and self-fulfilled and finding someone who's also happy and content and fulfilled. Plus being at the right place at the right time helps, so don't stay with a dud because you fear being alone... be available to other opportunities! If this boyfriend/date/friend isn't for you romantically, then he/she may have/know a friend/acquaintance/family member who is THE ONE for you!

[elaine130]

Originally Posted by britjojo

I really think that I cannot do this again. This is it for me; my life now is myself and my little girl. One after another men in my life have treated me like crap or hurt or used me, and I am now of the opinion that there is no one for me. I am happier alone.

Britjojo - you are a very courageous woman, I applaud you. But don't build a self-fulfilling prophecy, okay? You really do have to believe that there is someone good out there for you once you become healthy again and centered. For now, take care of yourself and your little princess!

[elaine130]

Originally Posted by etali

I'm sorry to hear you feel that way, you must have been through some real bad times with guys.

I've had some lunatic exes, but I found the right guy in the end. Mine came along when I wasn't looking

My suggestion is, enjoy being single, be the best mom you can be to your little girl, but be open minded if someone does come in to your life.

Etali - I totally agree! Mine also came along when I wasn't looking. In fact when I was 29, I didn't want to date anyone for longer than a few months because I wasn't getting any younger. I was so fed up with men that I decided to go on a "Man Fast," enjoy being single and I went out on dinner dates and coffee meetings with NO strings (or sex) attached.

When I began dating my future husband, he was perplexed I wasn't falling all over him (like all the other women he's gone out with) and that I didn't call him back right away or wasn't available at a moment's notice for him because I was also dating others, with no intimate involvement and I didn't even let any of my dates into my apartment!

I read a book about dating and the main gist was to "Be a Creature Like No Other." Corny, I know, but it's all about having a healthy attitude about yourself (not arrogant) that you're not like every other girl out there, you have your own special beauty and unique traits. And maybe you are not for every guy as every guy is not for you.

[angelthelson]

same here, i found my husband when i wasnt looking and the great thing is, he's been my bestfriend for 2 years! he even met my ex and told me that he doesn't wanna brainwash me but that guy will make me miserable. and he was darn right! and also, we hangout almost everyday and we go to the same gym. he even had some crush with some of my girlfriends (when we were both still in the modeling industry) and he even wooed my half-italian, half-filipina bestfriend!! hah!! life has so many mysteries LOL! but i've never been happier ! but i hope and pray that he is the last

[kitsch_k]

Originally Posted by elaine130

Kitsch - you're being REAListic! It is about YOU being happy and content and self-fulfilled and finding someone who's also happy and content and fulfilled. Plus being at the right place at the right time helps, so don't stay with a dud because you fear being alone... be available to other opportunities! If this boyfriend/date/friend isn't for you romantically, then he/she may have/know a friend/acquaintance/family member who is THE ONE for you!

you're right elaine! sometimes it's just not the best time, or the best person, or the best circumstances...but i believe its not about finding the best or the perfect person..its finding the person perfect for you

[britjojo]

You all speak a lot of good sense! My fear simply is that I attract the worst kind of man. I do not want the sort of man I have dated to date to have any part in my daughter's life, at all. She deserves WAY better than that.

[quietstrm27]

Do what's best for your daughter and focus on YOU as well. Your happiness is important and the right one will find you when the time is right. Sometimes you have to go through crap to get to the good stuff.

[britjojo]

The diamond hidden in a heap of dung huh? I am starting to think that my nose is getting a little fed up of being too close to all that poop though

[elaine130]

Britjojo -

I think you're a wonderfully protective mother who is very concerned about the influence any of your dates have on your daughter - other single moms might not be so considerate.

Based on my own experience (note: I'm no therapist!) I'd say you should really think about why you might be attracting the worst kind of man, as you say. Spend time and really self-analyze your own attitude, self-concept, feelings... which all lead to your behavior (ie., attracting the wrong guys!). Or perhaps even get into a little talk therapy (it worked for me!).

I know that in my 20's I felt doomed to "attract the worst" as well, but it wasn't fate (as much as I wanted to blame it on "destiny") but rather free will: I didn't feel I deserved a good man and consciously/subconsciously chose the worst kinds of guys as well.

At the ripe age of 29 I began focusing on what I liked, who I was then and who I was still becoming, believing in my own principles and values, and especially thinking about not just staying with a guy to avoid being lonely but remaining single and available so that I could find that diamond...the right man for me and the very best father for any future children!

As an aside, I think that my own lack of a relationship with my father had some effect on the type of guys I chose to date or worse, "fix." As a mom of two little ones I am so glad I waited to marry a man who's right for me and a truly wonderful father and fun dad for our kids.

So altho it seems impossible (given the quality of the guys out there!) be open to opportunities, be positive and realistic, be healthy and grounded in yourself and that man will find you: HIS diamond!

hugs to you!

Originally Posted by britjojo

The diamond hidden in a heap of dung huh? I am starting to think that my nose is getting a little fed up of being too close to all that poop though

[dreamr802]

I know that my boyfriend is the last guy Im going to be with.