Was this guy trying to get my number?

ctlwyer · #1 (**permalink**) 04-18-2007, 09:43 AM

So ok, every day I go to the same deli. There was a guy who worked there, would talk to me a lot. He'd come over to my table while I was eating and ask how work was going for me, how trips were that I took recently. So the other day he sees me in the deli line and says that I won't see him anymore, he's got another job. Was telling me about it, etc. I knew he was new to the area, so I told him if he needed anything to give me a call. I gave him my business card and he smiled at it and then said thanks... then his hand was shaking when he gave me my receipt (he seemed nervous).... So my friend was like ummm.. he was totally fishing for your number...by telling u he won't be working there anymore. Is that necessarily true?

kitsch_k · #2 (**permalink**) 04-18-2007, 10:14 AM

hey girl he is totally crushing on you!!!!!

he was totally getting your number!!

angelthelson · #3 (**permalink**) 04-18-2007, 11:57 AM

that guy absolutely likes you!!!

ctlwyer · #4 (**permalink**) 04-18-2007, 03:58 PM

Haha... yeah that's what my friend thinks. We are taking bets as to whether or not he will call and when. I gave him my business card which has work #, email and cell #. I don't think he will call, my friend says yeah but doesn't know in terms of "guy rule" when he will...haha.

elaine130 · #5 (**permalink**) 04-18-2007, 05:53 PM

For a male employee to be sooo friendly with one particular customer every time she came in... remembering details of your travels and seeking you out...and from your own gut instinct (which probably made you give him your card!) he probably does like you! Keep us updated!

ctlwyer · #6 (**permalink**) 04-18-2007, 05:56 PM

Oh my gosh- you guys are sooo right... he emailed me today...... :-)

elaine130 · #7 (**permalink**) 04-18-2007, 06:04 PM

And ct lawyer... I'm going to offer some unsolicited advice you can take or leave: If he does happen to call you, you may want to make him *sweat it out* a little by not being so readily available to meet for coffee. For example, if he says how about tomorrow night - then say you have another commitment but possibly next week!

From my experience, my future husband was pretty annoyed I wasn't available for a date at his convenience - I scheduled our first date 2 weeks later on a weeknight and didn't even let him into my apartment for at least 3 weeks even tho I was crazy about him!

I'm not saying play games, just take it slow and let him see that you are "a creature like no other" and you also have other important things in your life other than going out on dates. You respect yourself (and show it) and you are worthy of a man who will jump through as many hoops as it takes to really get to know you, date you and who knows!

After dating my future dh only one month, he proposed, we married six months later and now it's been seven years of marriage bliss! So my two cents to you and other single gals searching for love: Make guys work to earn your respect, get you out on a date, and make 'em wonder if someone else might snatch you up!

Quote:

Originally Posted by ctlwyer

Haha... yeah that's what my friend thinks. We are taking bets as to whether or not he will call and when. I gave him my business card which has work #, email and cell #. I don't think he will call, my friend says yeah but doesn't know in terms of "guy rule" when he will...haha.

kitsch_k · #8 (**permalink**) 04-19-2007, 07:32 AM

wait a minute..just a question..are you single ctlawyer?

kitsch_k · #9 (**permalink**) 04-19-2007, 07:33 AM

thanks for the pieces of advice elaine..i think i got too fast with my ex that's why we started on the wrong foot..i think the next time i will be taking my time

elaine130 · #10 (**permalink**) 04-19-2007, 09:57 AM

uh, yeah...are you single, ctlawyer?

Quote:

Originally Posted by kitsch_k

wait a minute..just a question..are you single ctlawyer?

elaine130 · #11 (**permalink**) 04-19-2007, 10:27 AM

you're welcome kitsch! yes, i will admit that i too went too fast with guys i dated... all the way up until I was 29! then i read a book called "Waiting for Courtship" or something like that and it totally changed my dating mindset. what a wake up call.

i do believe, from a guy's perspective, they do like the chase, they are competitive and their whole view of you changes when they are suddenly faced with a challenge: wow, she's not free this Friday or Saturday night? hmmm... her calendar is full, with what? she's not waiting by the phone or dropping her other plans for me? i have to wait HOW long to see this chick?

and then the guy has a choice of nixing you and going with another "easy" gal (because after all he's prob. *God's gift* to women and he waits for no one!) OR waiting (in line, real or imagined) and seeing what's so special about you that makes you too busy to drop everything for him.

then when you do go out on the date (i had the attitude that my time is valuable and he'd better make it worthwhile), then this prospective guy might actually listen to what you have to say and vice versa (instead of us doing all the listening!), learn what you're all about as a person and treat you with the respect and dignity you deserve. to stay strong and resolved, i'd listen to steve winwood's song "higher love" and also listen to a lot of sheryl crow ("strong enough") tori amos (love the line "but why do i need you to love me, when you can't hold what i hold dear?") and others that reinforced my self-love.

i think that back then, my new and improved attitude helped me weed out a lot of guys who were after that one thing (as many guys i met in their 20's and 30's wanted, because it's so prevalent with other gals they've met!) and helped me narrow in on the ones who really wanted to know me as a person. and same for the guys - they also crossed me off their list!
just as not every guy is for you, so are you not for every guy. move on and say, next! and that also means don't linger for more than a month or two in a relationship that's not heading in the direction YOU want to go (marriage). move on so you're available to meet The One, and be available so he can find you, too.

and i really was doing lots of *just coffee* dates and i did have plans on weekends... going out to a club with friends, spending time with family or enjoying a date with myself alone just watching chick flicks and eating popcorn! my attitude was that i didn't mind being alone (better than being with a tyrant) and i wasn't desperate to be part of a couple.

soooo... this all worked for ME. just thought i'd throw it out there as an option for single gals who are looking to get committed and start a family.

Quote:

Originally Posted by kitsch_k

thanks for the pieces of advice elaine..i think i got too fast with my ex that's why we started on the wrong foot..i think the next time i will be taking my time

ctlwyer · #12 (**permalink**) 04-19-2007, 12:54 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by kitsch_k

wait a minute..just a question..are you single ctlawyer?

Yeah, I am single. My sister has posted on this site before, but her ID is ctlawyer. Mine is Ctlwyer... which can be confusing haha... my sister is married though. Sometimes we end up using the same login because she keeps it logged in on her computer... her name is Teresa, mine is Celeste. :-)

kitsch_k · #13 (**permalink**) 04-19-2007, 01:08 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ctlwyer

Yeah, I am single. My sister has posted on this site before, but her ID is ctlawyer. Mine is Ctlwyer... which can be confusing haha... my sister is married though. Sometimes we end up using the same login because she keeps it logged in on her computer... her name is Teresa, mine is Celeste. :-)

hahaa ok that got me confused! i think in one post you mentioned a husband so i was a little confused. but now its cleared up you are single and ready to mingle..do you like the guy?!!?!

ctlwyer · #14 (**permalink**) 04-19-2007, 05:56 PM

Hmm yeah I think I do but he may be moving.... hmmm that gets tricky

elaine130 · #15 (**permalink**) 04-19-2007, 07:34 PM

Yay ctlawyer - he emailed you!

Quote:

Originally Posted by ctlwyer

Hmm yeah I think I do but he may be moving.... hmmm that gets tricky

elaine130 · #16 (**permalink**) 04-19-2007, 07:37 PM

"So the other day he sees me in the deli line and says that I won't see him anymore, he's got another job. Was telling me about it, etc. I knew he was new to the area, so I told him if he needed anything to give me a call." Sooo... what did you mean by 'need anything'... perhaps helping him pack and move? If so, you might also meet some of his single friends, too... broadening the net!

kitsch_k · #17 (**permalink**) 04-20-2007, 08:40 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ctlwyer

Hmm yeah I think I do but he may be moving.... hmmm that gets tricky

he's moving!?!?! do you like him enough to figure out whether you really want to pursue this?? too bad..you guys never had a chance to know each other well...

ctlwyer · #18 (**permalink**) 04-20-2007, 09:57 AM

Yeah he's a Marine... so that's why he is moving around a lot......boooooooo- so cute too. Looks kinda like that Wentworth Miller guy from the TV show "Prison Break".

kitsch_k · #19 (**permalink**) 04-20-2007, 10:57 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ctlwyer

Yeah he's a Marine... so that's why he is moving around a lot......boooooooo- so cute too. Looks kinda like that Wentworth Miller guy from the TV show "Prison Break".

he looks like that!?!?!?! wow he's worth it..even if its just a little getting to know you ...like a fling?!!? haha..eyy you're single enjoy ur singledom

ctlwyer · #20 (**permalink**) 04-20-2007, 01:37 PM

True...

So he wrote on Weds afternoon, then responded to my email response to his 1st email yesterday morning. I wrote back, he wrote back again at lunch. I wrote after lunch to respond to him, but I haven't gotten an email today. Should I wait until he emails again or just shoot one to say hi ?

elaine130 · #21 (**permalink**) 04-20-2007, 02:43 PM

I vote for wait! Oooh... he sounds really handsome *sigh!* to be single! You go, Celeste!

Quote:

Originally Posted by ctlwyer

True...

So he wrote on Weds afternoon, then responded to my email response to his 1st email yesterday morning. I wrote back, he wrote back again at lunch. I wrote after lunch to respond to him, but I haven't gotten an email today. Should I wait until he emails again or just shoot one to say hi ?

britjojo · #22 (**permalink**) 04-21-2007, 03:01 AM

I would have completely taken bets that he would email you rather than call! If he was so nervous as to be shaking when he gave you a receipt, there is no way he could cope with talking on the phone! I know it sucks that he's leaving the area, but maybe you can get together when he is in town.

ctlwyer · #23 (**permalink**) 04-21-2007, 08:53 AM

OK so now I'm really confused. So all this time he's been emailing back and forth with me telling me about his life, where he's been what he wants to do. Then he asked me if I was engaged (I wear my mother's wedding diamond sometimes) and so i wrote back with I'm single, and asked was he involved with anyone. So then he writes back and says he is sorry, he thought I knew that he was involved with someone, thought that the people at the deli told everyone that. But that he was hoping I'd be his friend. I am flabber gasted. Why didnt he mention he was involved in some of the emails where he talked all about himself and his life? Does this seem weird to anyone? And why email me immediately after getting my card and be all flirty like he was back at the deli?

britjojo · #24 (**permalink**) 04-21-2007, 09:21 AM

Wow. Sounds to me like maybe he met someone else in the meantime, or maybe his girlfriend started using his PC and wanted to know who you were?

ctlwyer · #25 (**permalink**) 04-22-2007, 01:34 PM

So here's the latest--I wrote him and told him I am actually seeing someone myself, but since he wants to be friends I'd like that. I told him I was sorry I didn't tell him right away I was seeing someone and this is what he wrote:

"wow....i would still love to be friends with you and you must say i am good at picking up on things bc i knew you were involved..i am cool with being friends as long as your man wont get mad. ha you couldve told me silly if i was back in my single/crazyman days and looking for someone as horrible as it is to say you wouldve been exactly my type haha well have a great weekend"

Ok so the last sentence, is that a typo, is he saying even if he was looking, I wouldn't have been his type, or does it sound like he meant to say I was his type? Thanks!

kitsch_k · #26 (**permalink**) 04-23-2007, 08:38 AM

whoaa this guy is just CONFUSING..all the mind games are killing me. i dunno what to say!

ctlwyer · #27 (**permalink**) 04-23-2007, 09:37 AM

yeah- so what is his deal? I get it that guys want to be friends, I have plenty of guy friends, but they don't flirt with me...... strange...... And why even bother telling me I am EXACTLY his type if he is involved......???

kitsch_k · #28 (**permalink**) 04-23-2007, 11:11 AM

yeah!!! if he is involved then why flatter you and string you along like that?! does he want you on reserve or somethign?!?!!? oh men..cant live with them cant live w/o them!

elaine130 · #29 (**permalink**) 04-23-2007, 11:26 AM

ooh, ctlawyer... the plot thickens and i love it! well, maybe you don't love it so much because men are so confusing... but it really is an exciting time for you, if you look at the big picture.

anyways, my gut feeling tells me (from what you've told us thus far) that the engagement ring you occasionally wore was noticed by the deli guys and this fellow much more than you think. so maybe he felt comfortable talking to you and sharing and being friends.

in my experience, guys are not as deep as women, and you're better off taking their words at face value... meaning don't read anything into it. if he wants to be friends, that's it.

my advice is to stay cool, maintain a comfortable distance, but definitely be friends with this guy! i do think that he was saying that yes, you are his type. and so stay friends with him but that's it. and then maybe he will see the light and have the nerve to break up with her and go out with you!

and this friendship is also a good chance for you to get to know him AND his single guy friends and their single brothers, the whole network. because who knows, maybe you meeting him was meant to be because it'll lead to the real person you were meant to be with. sorta like six degrees of separation (i really liked that show!).

so be cool and relaxed, be positive and some optimism, maintain self-worth and stay open to possibilities! and of course... keep us posted

Quote:

Originally Posted by ctlwyer

So here's the latest--I wrote him and told him I am actually seeing someone myself, but since he wants to be friends I'd like that. I told him I was sorry I didn't tell him right away I was seeing someone and this is what he wrote:

"wow....i would still love to be friends with you and you must say i am good at picking up on things bc i knew you were involved..i am cool with being friends as long as your man wont get mad. ha you couldve told me silly if i was back in my single/crazyman days and looking for someone as horrible as it is to say you wouldve been exactly my type haha well have a great weekend"

Ok so the last sentence, is that a typo, is he saying even if he was looking, I wouldn't have been his type, or does it sound like he meant to say I was his type? Thanks!

ctlwyer · #30 (**permalink**) 04-23-2007, 02:22 PM

Thanks so much elaine130!

kitsch_k · #31 (**permalink**) 04-24-2007, 09:02 AM

ey update us if anything comes up!?! hehe..this is a very intersting story...

elaine130 · #32 (**permalink**) 04-24-2007, 09:39 AM

you're most welcome, celeste! and for what it's worth, i think that you have a slight advantage in this match, so stay cool!

Quote:

Originally Posted by ctlwyer

Thanks so much elaine130!

ctlwyer · #33 (**permalink**) 04-24-2007, 09:46 AM

Thanks! I am starting to wonder though.... remember how he said "Oh, I am involved, sorry, thought you knew".. and then I said "no, I wasn't asking u out, b/c I have a man" and then he was like "oh wow, ok well I was really hoping we could be friends...as long as your man doesn't mind"... Well I wrote him back on Saturday and said I would love to be friends, and my guy doesn't mind either. So far since last week we've been emailing back and forth every day, sometimes more than once a day. He even emailed me from his base camp while on duty over the weekend. But ever since I said I have a man, and I'd love to be friends with him, he hasn't written. My sister thinks he was bluffing, and he never had a girl at all. She thinks he would have said that to start with in all the emails telling me about his life, career, growing up etc. So now I wonder...

elaine130 · #34 (**permalink**) 04-24-2007, 09:57 AM

yikes...what a doozy. i'll have to think about this one. the only thing i can suggest is that you do NOT write him, not even a little "hi", until he writes you first! celeste, keep that upper hand (and self-respect) if you're the least bit interested in him romantically! any guy who really knows you and how lucky he'd be to have you as his girl should be grovelling at your feet like you were a goddess!!!

in my opinion, that's the basis for a loving relationship, commitment and happy marriage! well, then again, i do grovel at my hubby's feet these days 'coz i'm crazy for him (still even after 7 yrs) but HE was the one who grovelled first, and did so as we were dating (or moreso courting me!). but i must admit that before we dated, i was the one with the secret mad crush on him for sooooo long but i was unavailable (stuck with a tyrant) and he had a gorgeous girlfriend...then miraculously we were both single and he asked me out and the rest is history! *sigh*

ctlwyer · #35 (**permalink**) 04-24-2007, 08:14 PM

I am beginning to think my sister is right...not a peep today either. It's been since Saturday........

ctlwyer · #36 (**permalink**) 04-26-2007, 09:24 AM

OK NEW UPDATE: So remember how he told me he was "involved with someone", and that he thought the girls at the deli told me that already?" Well I asked one of them this morning. She told me "Oh- he was trying to talk to you? Wow... well he is involved, but it's not his girlfriend, it's his fiance'. Apparently she caught him talking to someone online (not me) and she moved back to the state they came from." That's why she is never seen anywhere around him. WOW......can u believe that?

elaine130 · #37 (**permalink**) 04-26-2007, 11:25 AM

celeste, that's great that you found that *tiny* detail out! wow - i do feel bad for the fiance'... and this says a LOT about this guy to begin with (rat bastard!). i was always against "emotional affairs" when two people of the opposite sex, each in committed relationships of their own, build an intimate friendship. that just ain't good, no matter how you try to rationalize "oh, we're just friends." well, your s.o. should be your one and only best friend of the opposite sex (unless you're best buds with a gay man - then it's more than okay, it's a hoot!)

ctlwyer · #38 (**permalink**) 04-26-2007, 11:29 AM

So get this- he just emailed me a few minutes ago. (First email since Saturday.) Said hi and told me how his weekend went. Didn't say much other than that. Do I write him back at all?

kitsch_k · #39 (**permalink**) 04-27-2007, 11:35 AM

ey if this guy has a fiance he better stick to that fiance! and remember celeste..if he can do that on his fiance (engaged and still flirting around!!) he can do that to you too. just be careful whatever you decide to do.

elaine130 · #40 (**permalink**) 04-27-2007, 01:02 PM

Well said, Kitsch!

I believe that one reason for affairs is that some spouses have a problem seeing their mate outside of the domestic sense (friend, parent, co-habitant, cook, housekeeper, etc) and they need someone else as a fling to gratify their sexual, animalistic base instincts. I think Hugh Grant and Charlie Sheen are prime examples!

On the other hand, I believe a marriage works well when both spouses feel love for one another in both the domestic (higher love) way and also in the pleasurable (baser love) way.

Celeste, maybe this guy is torn between the seriousness of a committed relationship with one gal for the rest of his life...and maintaining freedom of a single life and meeting countless women. And maybe he's confused too because you wore an engagement ring and still wanted to befriend another guy. Hmmm...

On a different subject, I'm pretty miffed at Izzy for having an affair with George. Poor Cassie! Izzy and George should back off of their friendship because the wife should absolutely be the best friend! Is George leaving the show?

Quote:

Originally Posted by kitsch_k

ey if this guy has a fiance he better stick to that fiance! and remember celeste..if he can do that on his fiance (engaged and still flirting around!!) he can do that to you too. just be careful whatever you decide to do.

kitsch_k · #41 (**permalink**) 04-27-2007, 04:39 PM

yeah i agree..some men do have difficulty understanding that they have to see their woman in two different lights..and it is possible. your partner should be ur best friend and ur lover at the same time. if you're never going to be content then it's pretty certain u will have an affair sooner or later.

etali · #42 (**permalink**) 05-05-2007, 07:25 AM

Man, that last bit about the fiance really doesn't sound too good. I'd be avoiding that guy unless I was after a very casual fling or something. If his fiance can't trust him now, then I wouldn't want a relationship with him even if he became available.

elaine130 · #43 (**permalink**) 05-05-2007, 03:18 PM

ITA w/ Kitsch and Etali!

ctlwyer · #44 (**permalink**) 05-07-2007, 01:43 PM

Ok so I am pulling up to the deli this weekend. Guess who pulls up to the deli seconds after me? He noticed my car (it's bright blue) so the minute he walked into the deli he said hi to me and asked me what's new. Asked that twice actually. Then I went over to my table to eat my sandwich and he came over and joined me. talked to me for about 35 minutes and then I left. He said he didn't know if he could be so open like me about telling things about myself (we were talking about school, work, etc.) he said he doesn't let people in. I mentioned my boyfriend (took his call actually on my cell during this) but he never mentioned his girl. not once. and didn't answer his cell when it rang either...... I just don't get him???

kitsch_k · #45 (**permalink**) 05-08-2007, 12:23 PM

this guy is crazy!! i mean i understand girls can play mind games and be a little mysterious but this guy is just playing tricks on me!!! i have no idea what he is up to.

ctlwyer · #46 (**permalink**) 05-15-2007, 11:42 AM

Yeah so I am convinced he was crazy. Ever since he sat with me at the deli, I haven't heard from him and it's been a week and a half. While we were eating there he was talking about wanting to settle down, etc., that he let some good ones get away,etc. (and the whole time I am keeping quiet that I know he has a fiance'.) I started talking a lot about my guy friends (which I am sure was a turn off) and so ever since this last meeting I haven't heard from him. After I saw him that day I emailed and said I am sorry if I talked too much, and he never responded. Should I just forget the whole thing?

kitsch_k · #47 (**permalink**) 05-15-2007, 12:35 PM

i think he's just totally not worth it. you deserve a better guy. totally

DianneMK · #48 (**permalink**) 05-15-2007, 02:54 PM

Ok ladies..I can't stand it anymore.Being married to a Marine,I once asked my husband about Marines and women.He said most Marines are jerks...and they lie.Don't always believe them.
This Marine should have been more of a gentleman because in the Corp,they are taught respect,and how to respect others.He led you on and well lets say,IMHO...I wouldn't talk to him anymore or email him back.If he has a fiancee,then he should not be emailing other women...period.To me,that is a form of cheating.That is my opinion.Just stay away from him Celeste.There are other nice men available.This doesn't necessarily mean that all male Marines are jerks.Some are some aren't.He is just bad news.
I am only giving my perspective on Marines...and men.Only trying to give you my two cents.

ctlwyer · #49 (**permalink**) 05-15-2007, 03:05 PM

Thanks DianneMK- My sister said the same thing... she said that Marines are players, and that he is probably just looking for sex. Apparently his fiance moved back to the state they came from b/c she caught him talking to some girl online (not me, this was earlier.) I just don't get why he plays mind games with me....he tells me he is involved and then he sits at the deli with me and talks about 'maybe he should settle down". It was totally weird that he pulled up to the deli at the EXACT same time as me too.... I think I will just leave him alone...he never wrote me back and that's been over a week ago........

DianneMK · #50 (**permalink**) 05-15-2007, 03:21 PM

Celeste thats all he wants.He is just playing you.DON'T fall for anything he says to you except that he has a fiancee.The next time you are in the deli and he comes and sits down with you,politely ask him to leave.If he doesn't,then you leave.Then politely tell him,don't ask...to leave you alone.
Keep us posted.Good luck Celeste.

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