Career or Family?

kitsch_k · #1 (**permalink**) 02-03-2007, 01:07 PM

Would you choose career over family? or family over career?

britjojo · #2 (**permalink**) 02-21-2007, 02:42 AM

I did choose, and I went for family. A career can always be put on hold for a few years, or even a couple of decades. I am quite sure that in 18 years when my child graduates that there will still be a need for people to work-nothing is going to change that fundamentally in that short time. A woman can restart her career at any time. Biology has a timetable.

kitsch_k · #3 (**permalink**) 02-21-2007, 09:01 AM

i agree..right now im young so im headstrong on pursuing a career..but if the time comes when i have to choose..ill definitely go for my family

#4 (**permalink**) 02-21-2007, 08:30 PM

I chose too, and I picked my family. Although, I do still have a career, it never comes over my daughter or husband.

r8rpwr · #5 (**permalink**) 02-25-2007, 06:10 PM

Why would you have to choose? Millions of people have careers and family. I don't see why it's necessary to limit yourself to one or the other.

#6 (**permalink**) 03-01-2007, 10:05 AM

I would chose family over career ,but I can have both.

pinkbag · #7 (**permalink**) 03-09-2007, 05:31 PM

i had to choose as well and i chose my family and gave up a lucrative career. its only recently i have started working part-time as i feel that a woman can have both..all it requires is certain management skills and to some extent multi-tasking as well.

bagcrazy · #8 (**permalink**) 03-09-2007, 10:34 PM

I agree. I'm a single parent and don't have a choice but to work. My daughter still comes first. When your 80 who's going to love you back? Your Family (not your job).

kitsch_k · #9 (**permalink**) 03-12-2007, 10:51 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by pinkbag

i had to choose as well and i chose my family and gave up a lucrative career. its only recently i have started working part-time as i feel that a woman can have both..all it requires is certain management skills and to some extent multi-tasking as well.

i agree...it's not impossible to have both a career and a family but there will always come a time where you have to choose what to prioritize.

britjojo · #10 (**permalink**) 03-15-2007, 07:44 AM

That's it, there is often a time when a woman is forced to choose. I had to, and I would do the same in a heart beat. I have now taken a small work at home job to stay home with my daughter; again I wouldn't want anything different because the previous poster is right. It's her that will love me in sixty years time.

r8rpwr · #11 (**permalink**) 03-15-2007, 03:21 PM

Choosing what and when to prioritize is not the same as choosing one or the other. You can have a career and have a family. Your career is not 24/7, at least mine isn't.

I wonder why this question gets asked of women all the time, but yet no one accuses men who have a career of "giving up" their family. Hmmm..........

britjojo · #12 (**permalink**) 03-16-2007, 03:38 AM

Because men are not, nor have they ever historically been the nurturer. They are the hunter gatherers and were never expected to stay home with the kids; they were to provide whilst the mother did the mothering.

bagcrazy · #13 (**permalink**) 03-16-2007, 06:27 PM

Now a days, the mother is expected to continue with the nurturing and also provide financially.

kitsch_k · #14 (**permalink**) 03-16-2007, 06:43 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by r8rpwr

Choosing what and when to prioritize is not the same as choosing one or the other. You can have a career and have a family. Your career is not 24/7, at least mine isn't.

I wonder why this question gets asked of women all the time, but yet no one accuses men who have a career of "giving up" their family. Hmmm..........

i agree..why do men have more freedom in this area!!

britjojo · #15 (**permalink**) 03-17-2007, 07:07 AM

Till they start getting pregnant, and nursing the babies, they will never know the feelings that go along with being a mother. And until they do, they will not have the compulsion to raise the family and stay home with the children.

bagcrazy · #16 (**permalink**) 03-17-2007, 08:05 PM

I'm so glad I'm a woman. Being pregnant and having my daughter is and will always be the #1 best experience of my life.

elaine130 · #17 (**permalink**) 03-18-2007, 06:56 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by kitsch_k

i agree..right now im young so im headstrong on pursuing a career..but if the time comes when i have to choose..ill definitely go for my family

Kitsch... stick to your passion, girlfriend! One argument for choosing career over family is that being a rising star in a competitive field takes a lot of energy (which comes with youth), sacrifice and flexibility (able to jump on a plane and take a trip cross country or overseas at a moment's notice without worrying about small children or even a hubby) and earning power. Right now is the best time to strike while the iron's hot. You can ALWAYS have family in another phase of your life.

Having said that, all you childless women should KNOW... and I don't want to pressure you too much... that it is medically proven that a woman's fertility is highest at the age of 25! And then as you get older, the likelihood of having birth defects rises... etc. Because of the notion that a woman can get pregnant in their 40' s or even 50's, many married couples postpone getting pregnant, only to realize that women in their mid to late 30's cannot get pregnant, or have many miscarriages. Very sad.

And I must chime in about all this talk of "Work/Life Balance" and the stuff in "Working Mother" magazine. It's easy to become a mom and CEO when you can afford to eat-out/take-in, have a nanny, housekeeper, gardener, financial planner, etc.

And another thing (I'm on a roll here)... I just read a really good argument FOR women not giving up careers to be stay-home moms (me included, altho I did not give up my full-time job voluntarily, I was laid off). The writer believed that with today's divorce rate at over 50% many women mistakenly believe their husbands will care for them and have a rude awakening (my best friend's sister is now going thru divorce (husband was an unemployed, unhelpful bum) and has a 5 and 2 year old and says she never would have had children had she known it would be this difficult); the reduction in earnings because if a mom stayed employed her salary would have grown exponentially; plus going back to work say when the kids are 15 and you're in your 40's does not bode too well when you're then competing with 20-somethings... well these are some pretty compelling reasons to keep a career.

So choose wisely and own up to your choice. Even if it means you will choose your career over a family. Or even marriage. Hey, more power to those women who do choose their career -at least they are honest and driven and have integrity. Don't just choose to change your life's path because of family pressure or because your friends. Be true to yourself!!!

kitsch_k · #18 (**permalink**) 03-22-2007, 11:27 AM

thanks for the advice elaine! i really appreciate the insights

babidius · #19 (**permalink**) 03-26-2007, 04:25 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by elaine130

Having said that, all you childless women should KNOW... and I don't want to pressure you too much... that it is medically proven that a woman's fertility is highest at the age of 25! And then as you get older, the likelihood of having birth defects rises... etc. Because of the notion that a woman can get pregnant in their 40' s or even 50's, many married couples postpone getting pregnant, only to realize that women in their mid to late 30's cannot get pregnant, or have many miscarriages. Very sad.

I was one of those who waited to get married in my 30's and had a hard time getting pregnant, although in my case it was more than age, I also have Endometriosis. My Husband and I discussed the possibility that we may not be able to have childredn. I had a few m/c and went through fertility treatments to conceive my Son, that pregnancy was originally twins but I lost one of the Babies late in the frist trimester. My miracle just turned 1 yesterday. We were very lucky and conceived naturally in december, which came as a big shock although we wanted another baby. We just didn't think it would happen.

Also, my Son was born with a minor birth defect. it is the most common birth defect and it happens to all different age range Mothers. Because of this defect I see a high risk Doctor and plus I am concerned advancd Maternal age. The Perinatologist actually told me that the odds of birth defects are only slightly higher and not as high as you would think. I had my first trimester Bloodwork and ultrasound and so far everything looks great!!

I chose to stay at home and that is my Career, being a Mother!! I know it isn't for everyone. I used to work as a Nanny and some women are more effective Mothers when they work outside the Home!

etali · #20 (**permalink**) 04-15-2007, 10:36 AM

I don't want a family, so I've chosen my lifestyle and persuing an interesting, if not financially rewarding, career.

I think that it is possible to balance a family and a career (I have friends who manage, it's tough for them, but it would break their heart to have to make a choice of one or the other).

Both choices are admirable ones though, and its great that we have a chance to make the choice.

kitsch_k · #21 (**permalink**) 04-17-2007, 05:42 AM

yes there is always that moment when you have to make that choice...i think in the end what really matters is that you stand by your choice and its consequences.

elaine130 · #22 (**permalink**) 04-17-2007, 01:26 PM

And another way of thinking about your life is to see it in multidimensional phases (according to G. Sheehy). There's the single gal phase, the working gal phase, the married couple phase, married couple working and traveling phase, then maybe the parent phase, going back to school phase, etc.

I find that I have changed as a woman throughout the years, along with my priorities. After college, I focused on work. Then after working so hard, by my late 20's I really wanted to have a child, even if it meant going to a sperm bank or adopting if I couldn't find a suitable hubby. I married and had my first baby and entered a phase where work wasn't rewarding and what mattered more was spending quality time with my husband and son, instead of sending the baby to other caregivers. So I became a SAHM.

But now I'm entering a new phase and want more balance by focusing on my dreams, getting my master's, and continuing to nurture my family. We are always evolving, never static. And that's what's so great about feminism, you write your own life's script... one chapter at a time! And I also think that the feminist ideal is also represented by those who choose not to be SuperMom who supposedly does it all: career, marriage, children and personal time!

It's your decision to make, and yours alone (well, maybe with some input from your significant other, too!)

kitsch_k · #23 (**permalink**) 04-19-2007, 07:35 AM

right now im in my working gal phase and enjoying every minute of it....i think its really important not to rush too much, or dwell in certain phases of life..enjoy them while they last so you dont have any regrets or what ifs

elaine130 · #24 (**permalink**) 04-19-2007, 09:54 AM

kitsch - it's wonderful to hear that you enjoy your job! that's a real blessing 'coz so many people are really dissatisfied with their jobs/careers. for example, dontcha hate people who work in retail or customer service who are rude and sound like you're bothering them when you ask them for help? good grief.

but then there are those who are really happy in their jobs... like when i took my kids to a mcdonald's drive thru there was such a pleasant gal who took my order (they're usually impatient and soooo monotone) and even when i gave her the money she was soooo nice, just because! well, when i got to the window where i collected my food, i asked the other person there to speak to a manager. the manager came to the window, very concerned. i told her that i just wanted to compliment her for hiring such a wonderful employee - the one who took my order and money! the manager was very pleased (and surprised -she prob gets a lot of complaints) and i bet so was the gal who took my order.

Quote:

Originally Posted by kitsch_k

right now im in my working gal phase and enjoying every minute of it....i think its really important not to rush too much, or dwell in certain phases of life..enjoy them while they last so you dont have any regrets or what ifs

gabsmom123 · #25 (**permalink**) 04-25-2007, 09:23 PM

I chose family and I do not regret it. Sometimes people try to make you feel bad because you are not Mrs. Career Woman, but I love being at home with my family and being a housewife. It took a little getting used to I would have to say because I was so used to being a working woman, but I think I adapted well.

elaine130 · #26 (**permalink**) 04-26-2007, 01:21 AM

enjoy this time, gabsmom! i did the same for two years and didn't regret it at all! i started doing some part-time work just to give me some balance, adult conversation and of course extra cash. for the most part i will primarily be a sahm until at least my youngest is 5. it's worth it!

Quote:

Originally Posted by gabsmom123

I chose family and I do not regret it. Sometimes people try to make you feel bad because you are not Mrs. Career Woman, but I love being at home with my family and being a housewife. It took a little getting used to I would have to say because I was so used to being a working woman, but I think I adapted well.

Marketplace & Forum