Don't Want Kids

[etali]

I don't want kids, neither does my husband, and we're both getting sick of people asking us when we'll be starting a family.

We're both the kind of people who like the freedom to do whatever we want, whenever we want. If we had kids they'd get in the way of that and we'd end up resenting them. I have no maternal instinct - kids on busses and in restraunts irritate me no end, why should I have kids just because other people want me to?

To me a child is something that should be loved and cared for - the world is over-populated enough without an extra life that isn't wanted being brought into the world just because at 'my age' (which isn't even that old yet) I should (apparently) be getting broody.

Does anyone else feel that way? How do you shut up the people who keep nagging?

[babidius]

What do you say to them when they ask? I would just say we don't want to have any and leave it at that. Not everyone has to have children. I used to Nanny and one of the women that I worked for didn't want children and felt pressured by everyone to have them and you can tell it does not agree with her and she told me she only had them to please others. That's no way to live. Do what makes you happy!!

[girly2]

Etali - good for you and your husband! Altho I have kids and love them very much, I will be the first to say that being a parent is NOT for everyone. And there will always be people out there with unsolicited advice about the wonders of parenthood... well I think I would just excuse myself completely and avoid that person. Perhaps if someone asks if you have children, just succinctly say "no" and then turn it back to them - How about you, do you have any children or grandchildren? Let them gush about their own. Then ask if they are happy with their careers or world travel or reading good books (all the things that are placed aside when you do have kids) and see how much they have to say then!

Also, I think my neighbors who just got married like to respond by saying they're on a "three-year plan" - just want to enjoy their marriage, travel, work, getting an MBA and then in three years they will think about starting a family. Then if asked again, they reiterate, "We're on a three year plan, remember? Ask us then."

[KeLLi]

I think it's a natural thing for people to ask. I mean girls are having babies at the age of 11 now so when you hit your mid 20's or older people expect you to have kids. And when you tell them why you don't want to have kids, they have something negative to say about that.

[FourBear]

I don't think it should be anyone's business whether or not you have kids. You shouldn't feel obligated to provide an explanation.

[britjojo]

I personally LOVE kids, and could never understand how a woman could not have that instinct. But at the same time I see that the world is filled with miserable, dirty, uneducated children (in every country) who are mistreated by parents who don't want them.

If a person doesn't want children, doesn't think they have what it takes, then that is their business. I applaud you for making the mature decision, and wish that many others would realise that having children is NOT for everyone. Some people just don't make good parents!

[etali]

Thanks for the responses. I like the idea of a 3 year plan - I might borrow that and make it a 6 year plan - that's how long it will take us to get our finances sorted out and be able to buy a house of our own. I think everyone who has ever visited our flat will agree it isn't a place kids should be in!

I admire people who make good parents - it takes a patience and devotion that I just don't have. I think I'm hyper-aware of that because I know someone who is an appalling mother (not in the way that I think I would be, but her child was unexpected, unwanted, and treated like an inconvenience for the first 7 or 8 years) - her child has turned out to be a not very nice person, and I feel for her, and the people who now have to look after her and undo that damage.

[carebear]

I don't regret having kids, they are my life, but I could have done life either way.


Don't have kids and don't feel bad. Live life. After all it is yours to live.