Independent Women

kitsch_k · #1 (**permalink**) 05-12-2007, 07:12 PM

Do you guys think that independent and strong willed women intimidate men?

britjojo · #2 (**permalink**) 05-14-2007, 03:42 AM

Completely. In fact I think that strong minded women scare other women, let alone our male counterparts. Too many people seem to think that others should just be a push over, and don't like when they cannot get their own way, so it comes as a shock to them.

kitsch_k · #3 (**permalink**) 05-14-2007, 08:04 AM

yeah..that's true britjojo. there are still men (ive met them!) who cannot stand having women who are more successful, richer and more settled. they still think they're the boss u know..its silly really..

elaine130 · #4 (**permalink**) 05-14-2007, 10:09 AM

depends on the man! some men are very confident and loving and may admire independence. some men are little boys in grown up clothes and want a surrogate mom so they are also attracted to independent women. some men don't like it at all, or maybe they thought they liked it at first and then changed their mind about it later on.

this sorta applies to my dh, who dated so many needy and dependent women. but when i came along, he knew i was the one and we were engaged in 3 mts., married 7 mts. later! nowadays he doesn't understand why i need my alone time so much, or why i can handle carrying heavy packages into the house by myself and even build furniture (like Ikea stuff) on my own using power tools (our power drill was actually purchased by ME before i met him) without his help.

much of this may stem from a man's own mother or other maternal figure in his life (like big sisters, etc.) my dh's own mom was at first dependent but then became independent. i think about my other ex-boyfriends' mothers and how they affected perceptions about women... very interesting!

kitsch_k · #5 (**permalink**) 05-15-2007, 07:32 AM

wow elaine im amazed! you got engaged and married quickly but it seems you have a really great marraige.

good foryou dear!!!

britjojo · #6 (**permalink**) 05-15-2007, 03:13 PM

That was indeed a fast marriage. But if you are willing to put in the work to keep it going, I think that even a rapid progression can be hugely successful.

I am glad you are so happy, he sounds like a nice dude-especially since he washes dishes

kitsch_k · #7 (**permalink**) 05-19-2007, 06:14 PM

hahaha.. washing dishes is always a good sign

elaine130 · #8 (**permalink**) 05-19-2007, 09:24 PM

thanks! but honestly, it was my dh who wanted to marry quickly - i wanted to set a date for the following year!

britjojo · #9 (**permalink**) 05-23-2007, 08:27 PM

Then I guess it's a good job that he has the power of persuasion! You seem to be one of the lucky minority Elaine-hang onto him!

elaine130 · #10 (**permalink**) 05-24-2007, 01:22 AM

... he he... let's see if he can hang on to ME! LOL, JK!

kitsch_k · #11 (**permalink**) 05-24-2007, 01:43 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by britjojo

Then I guess it's a good job that he has the power of persuasion! You seem to be one of the lucky minority Elaine-hang onto him!

oh i agree..good men are SO HARD to find. its like an odyssey!!! haha..and u dont even know if the end of the journey is just an illusion or a reality.

Barbara · #12 (**permalink**) 05-28-2007, 11:47 AM

That is great you have a good man.Most are not that lucky hang on to that cutie.hehe

elaine130 · #13 (**permalink**) 05-28-2007, 02:17 PM

Thanks Barbara, Kitsch and Britjojo! I do have a good guy, whose faults are bearable but who has also made ME want to be a better woman!

And so as to the original topic of "independent women" I want to share with y'all some words of wisdom imparted on me by my wonderful CBT therapist. With regard to priorities in life she has told her own husband that SHE comes first, then her kids, then her husband. She explained that she herself is number one priority because she needed to be healthy and stable in order to take care of the kids. Second priority is the kids, because they need her. Period. Third is the husband because frankly, he's an adult and can take care of himself. And if the kids were on a railroad track while a train approached, she would give up her life to save the children. But if her husband were on a railroad track while a train approached, she would not give up her life because a) he's an adult and should know better and b) she cannot give up her life because then who would take care of the kids? A foolish widowed husband who can't even take care of himself?

Being a sahm can be a blessing but also places me in a very precarious position as a mom of two kids who is very dependent on her husband's income... and I do not like it one bit. I want to be able to raise my kids as a single mom if necessary.

As I mentioned in another thread, my dh and I have had serious disagreements, bringing us right to the brink of ending our marriage. So this past Feb. I decided to go back to school and get my graduate degree in guidance counseling so I can have my own career and also be here for my kids by working in a school district. I want to be able to leave if the going gets rough...

Which also has to do with my own family history. My beautiful (and fashionable!) mother was valedictorian of her high school class. She had aspirations of working as an ambassador for the UN. But those dreams were pushed to the back burner in order to raise a family: she had a baby when she was 17, married my dad, had another son, then me. When she and my Dad had marital problems that they tried so hard to work out, she wanted to leave him so many times, but didn't. My mother died at the young age of 29, and I had just turned 4.

My father was a wreck and I was sent to live with all sorts of relatives and did not reunite with my dad and brothers until I was nearly 8. Which caused all sorts of childhood depression, being molested, having an eating disorder and suffering abandonement issues... but that's another story. The main point is that nothing is certain in life... you are not entitled to a happily ever after. You have to work hard and earn it. So always try to maintain your independence, ladies, even if you do find your Prince Charming!

hpzapper · #14 (**permalink**) 05-28-2007, 11:16 PM

I would want no other! But we should vent and come to A good thing the next Day. It is never all my way or yours. Just me I do not think you would want A yes man. I want someone that can let me vent and she can vent with ne bad feeling either way. I feel no thing is such that it has to be the Day it is brought to issue. We are talking of people that care for their other.

Quote:

Originally Posted by kitsch_k

Do you guys think that independent and strong willed women intimidate men?

carebear · #15 (**permalink**) 05-31-2007, 02:26 PM

I think some men are turned off by it and some are turned on by it. I have a friend who's basically her husbands wife and mother. I don't like that at all but to each her own .

etali · #16 (**permalink**) 06-09-2007, 12:20 PM

I think they intimidate some men, but they attract others. My husband loves that I'm stubborn and won't give up when I want something. The things he hates about me are my submissive side (like if I suggest going somewhere and he doesn't want to go, I'll not bother either, because it would be no fun without him).

I guess there are guys who think they want someone doormat-ish all the time, but the chances are they're the same guys who get bored of their relationships after a while, because the same behaviour they want, is behaviour that gets boring after a while.

dreamr802 · #17 (**permalink**) 07-04-2007, 02:12 PM

My boyfriend is probably one of the rare ones but he likes how independent I can be...but he hates that I am so independent that I don't ask for help from him when I need it...

shainee · #18 (**permalink**) 07-08-2007, 04:53 AM

Very much! These women are the type that would want the men to follow what they want. They are the ones who usually control a relationship. But I dont blame women who are strong and independent, sometimes there's a reason behind why they are like that.

Gilipsie · #19 (**permalink**) 07-14-2007, 09:39 PM

If a man is intimidated by my independence I wouldn't be interested in him anyway. Right?

r8rpwr · #20 (**permalink**) 07-15-2007, 11:48 PM

Only if the man is lacking self-confidence himself. In which case, you'd second guess being with him in the first place, right?

I have always been strong and independent and my husband has never had an issue with it; in fact he says it's what attracted him to me in the first place.

Lila42 · #21 (**permalink**) 07-16-2007, 02:06 PM

I find that most men appreciate independent women. There are those who like to rescue the damsel in distress, but as Dr. Laura says, "when you rescue a damsel in distress, all you have is a distressed damsel." Most of the men I know, though, would rather a woman have some independence. If for no other reason than personal self-esteem, women need to be able to take care of themselves.

kitsch_k · #22 (**permalink**) 09-27-2007, 08:16 AM

my ex and i were talking about this the other day..he said he appreciated my being independent and he admired it..but he said it would be good have been good if once in a while i needed him too...i realized that maybe i did go on my own too much sometimes that i left him out

well at least i learned my lesson..being independent is not bad..its good..but sometimes (like cosmo says) it doesnt hurt to pamper ur man's ego

bika · #23 (**permalink**) 10-31-2007, 02:15 AM

It is human neture of male that they think they are responsible to pay when you go out with them. They think they dont make any problem when they are independent but when it comes about woman they feel humilited.

They think they are hero and we are just poor ladies who should wait to hero's entry in our life. This is rediculios. Independency is not bad, in fact every human being, not only woman, should be independed but you must not forget to respect other's feeling at a same time.

Marketplace & Forum