child-free and like it

[MerdeCat]

I don't have kids, and I hate it when people assume I do and ask how many kids I have. Then they ask why I don't have kids. Then they say I'll come around.

Nope. Not everyone wants to be a parent. Besides, there are enough people in the world straining our resources. Why should I add to that??

Are there any other child-free married people out there?

[ricci]

merde, how old are you? Who's going to take care of you when you are really old?

[Aunt Bea]

my gosh yes! when I get old, I am glad I have 6 kids to care for me in my old age. most of us need care in our older years Merde.

[ricci]

merde, I don't know if it's this hangover or what, but every time I read this thread, I cry. So sad

[Paula Ness]

Originally Posted by Aunt Bea

my gosh yes! when I get old, I am glad I have 6 kids to care for me in my old age. most of us need care in our older years Merde.

I've got a few kids here and there......

I needed someone to haul me around in the wheelbarrow when I got old

[MerdeCat]

Originally Posted by ricci

merde, how old are you? Who's going to take care of you when you are really old?

You should not have kids to take care of you when you are old. That burden shouldn't be placed on them.

[EncoreGal]

Originally Posted by MerdeCat

You should not have kids to take care of you when you are old. That burden shouldn't be placed on them.

I agree. It may be their choice (which is another topic) but it's not a child's responsibility. I find it most intrusive of someone, to see that there are those here that actually expect this as a way of aging. How presumptious can you get? How would anyone clearly and premeditatingly impose this on an offspring?



EG

[MerdeCat]

EncoreGal,

Thanks. There are many parents that expect this of their children. In fact, my Mom still expects that I should live in the same city she does, just because. I don't and I won't.

[ricci]

Originally Posted by EncoreGal

I agree. It may be their choice (which is another topic) but it's not a child's responsibility. I find it most intrusive of someone, to see that there are those here that actually expect this as a way of aging. How presumptious can you get? How would anyone clearly and premeditatingly impose this on an offspring?



EG

Sad Sad Sad



I will tell you how I can premeditatingly impose this on my offspring... I wiped their butts for years and I plan to go sliding into home at the end of my life with nothing left of this body and mind, so the kids better happily wipe my butt then or the trust will be entirely left in the name of aunt bea or someone deserving

[Barbara]

I don't have kids and never really wanted them.I have cats & dogs there my babies & that is all i need.

[MerdeCat]

Originally Posted by Barbara

I don't have kids and never really wanted them.I have cats & dogs there my babies & that is all i need.

I have a kitty too! I don't worry about being old. Hopefully, my husband and I can take care of each other.

Besides, I'll also have younger siblings and nephews who can check on me if needed.

[Bad Kitty]

I think people should mind their own damn business, truly. I hate when kid-free people tell me why I shouldn't have had kids, shut the hell up! I never ask people that are kid-free the reason behind their being kid-free, it is their business, not mine. It could be by choice, it could be infertility. I am sure if they want to share, they will share.

IMO, saying that it is imposing on your children to expect them to take care of you in your old age is no different then a parent saying that choosing a kid-free lifestyle is selfish, it is no different.

I think the decision to be a parent is a difficult one in and of itself. I also think that the decision to NOT become a parent is difficult. It takes a level headed person with good foresight to realize that children are not for them.

Kids or no kids, mind your own business and respect other peoples' choices. This is America for Chrissakes!

[Barbara]

Originally Posted by MerdeCat

I have a kitty too! I don't worry about being old. Hopefully, my husband and I can take care of each other.

Besides, I'll also have younger siblings and nephews who can check on me if needed.

I am no longer married but will take care of myself.I have a younger sister & her hubby...i know they will be there to help if needed.I have 8 cats & 3 dogs When i get home at nite there waiting for me.What more could you want?My mom is in a nurseing home and i go see her on my days off.

[ricci]

roar kitty, ROAR!

Originally Posted by Bad Kitty

I think people should mind their own damn business, truly. I hate when kid-free people tell me why I shouldn't have had kids, shut the hell up! I never ask people that are kid-free the reason behind their being kid-free, it is their business, not mine. It could be by choice, it could be infertility. I am sure if they want to share, they will share.

IMO, saying that it is imposing on your children to expect them to take care of you in your old age is no different then a parent saying that choosing a kid-free lifestyle is selfish, it is no different.

I think the decision to be a parent is a difficult one in and of itself. I also think that the decision to NOT become a parent is difficult. It takes a level headed person with good foresight to realize that children are not for them.

Kids or no kids, mind your own business and respect other peoples' choices. This is America for Chrissakes!

[MerdeCat]

Originally Posted by Bad Kitty

I think people should mind their own damn business, truly. I hate when kid-free people tell me why I shouldn't have had kids, shut the hell up! I never ask people that are kid-free the reason behind their being kid-free, it is their business, not mine. It could be by choice, it could be infertility. I am sure if they want to share, they will share.

IMO, saying that it is imposing on your children to expect them to take care of you in your old age is no different then a parent saying that choosing a kid-free lifestyle is selfish, it is no different.

I think the decision to be a parent is a difficult one in and of itself. I also think that the decision to NOT become a parent is difficult. It takes a level headed person with good foresight to realize that children are not for them.

Kids or no kids, mind your own business and respect other peoples' choices. This is America for Chrissakes!

Watch your language chicky!

I can say anything I want. It's called freedom of speech. If you don't like it, you don't have to post in this thread.

I wasn't saying I don't think people should have children. I'm saying that people that don't have children are given a hard time because a lot of people out there just have kids because they think that's what you're supposed to do. They don't think it through. They think everyone else should have kids too.

Your child doesn't have a choice to be brought into the world. The gift of life should come with no strings attached.

[MerdeCat]

And you know what else???

The title of this thread "Child-free and like it" is NO different than all the millions of moms out there that talk relentlessly about how much they love being Moms.

Well, why can't I say I like NOT being a Mom? Why does that offend some people so much?

[Paula Ness]

Originally Posted by Bad Kitty

I think people should mind their own damn business, truly. I hate when kid-free people tell me why I shouldn't have had kids, shut the hell up! I never ask people that are kid-free the reason behind their being kid-free, it is their business, not mine. It could be by choice, it could be infertility. I am sure if they want to share, they will share.

IMO, saying that it is imposing on your children to expect them to take care of you in your old age is no different then a parent saying that choosing a kid-free lifestyle is selfish, it is no different.

I think the decision to be a parent is a difficult one in and of itself. I also think that the decision to NOT become a parent is difficult. It takes a level headed person with good foresight to realize that children are not for them.

Kids or no kids, mind your own business and respect other peoples' choices. This is America for Chrissakes!

I'm not real sure if I'm getting scolded or not.
what I said about my wheelbarrow was in jest!

and what I said about my kids taking care of me is from my personal experiences...
I've taken care of my parents and grandparents as they've gotten older and passes away. I've watched my spouse and siblings do the same thing.

my kids and I even joke about it, whether they accept the responsiblity is up to them.

I know I've done my time, and I am happy with that
maybe it'll get me a little closer to heaven, maybe not...
It's not for me to say

[UMPsMybeech]

Cat fight .

[Bad Kitty]

Originally Posted by MerdeCat

Watch your language chicky!

I can say anything I want. It's called freedom of speech.

That little tidbit has me laughing so hard it brightened my entire morning! Thanks!

Merde, don't get yourself all worked up. You give yourself too much credit by assuming my comment was directed to you. I am stating my feelings and opinion about the subject. I standfast that I feel people don't have the right to tell you that you need children to be happy or fulfilled, I don't buy that nonsense for a moment. I simply hate when I make mention of a babysitter flaking on me or not being able to afford the lastest GUCCI because I have to pay my kids school tuiton, that self righteous kid-free people pipe in with, "that is why you shouldn't have kids."

I don't think anyone has the right to tell anyone else how to live their life, people need to learn how to STFU. If, on the other hand they are living off the state, then we as taxpayers have a right to an opinion, IMO. Freedom of speech is a right, yes, but show some class for chrissakes, and stop taking yourself so seriously.

[Bad Kitty]

Originally Posted by MerdeCat

And you know what else???

The title of this thread "Child-free and like it" is NO different than all the millions of moms out there that talk relentlessly about how much they love being Moms.

Well, why can't I say I like NOT being a Mom? Why does that offend some people so much?

I don't find it offensive at all, in fact I support your well thought out decision to not parent. People should think harder before deciding to become a parent, bc not enough of them do. They just have kids because everyone is doing it. That has to be the most nonsensical load of $#!T around.

I wish there were more level headed people like you that thought about reproducing before just doing it.

[Bad Kitty]

Originally Posted by Paula Ness

I'm not real sure if I'm getting scolded or not.
what I said about my wheelbarrow was in jest!

and what I said about my kids taking care of me is from my personal experiences...
I've taken care of my parents and grandparents as they've gotten older and passes away. I've watched my spouse and siblings do the same thing.

my kids and I even joke about it, whether they accept the responsiblity is up to them.

I know I've done my time, and I am happy with that
maybe it'll get me a little closer to heaven, maybe not...
It's not for me to say

I agree with you completely. In our family, the young take care of the old, it is not a burden, just a thing we do. We are an old rooted family and tradition is very much alive.

Our family is extremely close and always has been. For us, family is a gift, not an obligation.

[MerdeCat]

Bad Kitty, I'm glad I made you laugh, but I don't appreciate the "show some class" comment. Of course I thought your comments were directed at me. I did start the thread.

Maybe I should just stop posting late at night....

[PrincessOfFabulousity]

Originally Posted by MerdeCat

I wasn't saying I don't think people should have children.

In your first post, I think it came off that way.

Originally Posted by MerdeCat

........Not everyone wants to be a parent. Besides, there are enough people in the world straining our resources. Why should I add to that??

[Bad Kitty]

Originally Posted by MerdeCat

Bad Kitty, I'm glad I made you laugh, but I don't appreciate the "show some class" comment. Of course I thought your comments were directed at me. I did start the thread.

Maybe I should just stop posting late at night....

OK, I am going to be what I hate momentarily to illustrate my point.

MerdeCat, none of my verbeage is directed directly at you. Unless, you go about spewing vitriol about how the world would be better off sans kids and how you are so intelligent to have decided not to procreate. If you never do this rude behavior, then I am not speaking toward you. You are the classy gal these ladies should emulate. You politely answer, "No, children aren't for me..." and leave it at that, instead of telling me what a drain on society and the planet my children are when I ask if you have any of your own. If you ever run across me and we have this conversation, your telling me that you have no children will be met with, "You are a smart woman, [insert tongue into cheek] I wish I had wised up sooner!"

It seems like I can't go more then 3 weeks without some self righteous, smart mouth, IGNORANT young female telling me that I shouldn't have had kids, stating some inferiority I have because I am a mother, or how low my intelligence quotient must be because my uterus has borne offspring. All I have to do is turn down a dinner or party invitation because I can't get a sitter and suddenly I am sub human because she was smart enough not to have kids and nor does she plan to because she likes her freedom and won't give it up for some blood sucking leach of a baby.

I am not of inferior intelligence, my children are not leaches, and I feel that being a mother is a gift. I also feel that women that choose that the family way is not for them should be recognized for having the wherewithal to know that it isn't. I admire the ability to have the sense and strength to go against what commercial society says is in your "cards." It takes a lot of courage to just say, "it isn't for me."

I just think that EVERYONE should let it lie then and there. Just as I don't tell women they will change their minds, or they are wrong in any way, I don't want their vitriol spewed on me.

I hope this clears it up. I doubt it is you Merde, but I am confident you know someone who has, and I read here, that you have been a victim of it. If I had to hazard a guess, I am sure you hear on a regular basis. I think they all should SHUT THE :****: UP and MIND THEIR OWN DAMN BUSINESS!!!

That's all.

[ricci]

ROAR bad Kitty!

Every three weeks? You must be hanging around with runway models?

OR, your kids did something to make these people say such things to you?

[Bad Kitty]

LOL Ricci! It is a mix of both... I work in a 200 person office with about 300 people milling through every week. I am a member of a large motorcycling community where I live and that is a big source of anti-child protestors. People that say this have never (except 1 odd woman) met my children. Motorcycling is not a child friendly sport and I am definitely a minority in the facts that, I am married, have children, and own a home.

Meow.

[MerdeCat]

Bad kitty, thanks for your reply.

I guess I haven't experienced the anti-child crap you have. I do, in fact, mind my own business because I know how it feels when people intrude on mine.

I just think it's awkward sometimes to be around so many child-centered people who all expect I'll come to my senses one day and have children. You are right. Both choices are valid when made correctly. What is sad is when people don't decide, they just let it happen.

[Bad Kitty]

Originally Posted by MerdeCat

Bad kitty, thanks for your reply.

I guess I haven't experienced the anti-child crap you have. I do, in fact, mind my own business because I know how it feels when people intrude on mine.

I just think it's awkward sometimes to be around so many child-centered people who all expect I'll come to my senses one day and have children. You are right. Both choices are valid when made correctly. What is sad is when people don't decide, they just let it happen.

What I find to be the funniest about the evolution of this thread, is that we feel identical about the subject and it took us all this time to realize it. Maybe world leaders need handbag forums to hash out their differences....

I only slightly disagree on verbeage that both choices when made sensibly are "valid." I think it is far beyond valid, I think it is concise, intelligent, and admirable. It is all those things because you came to the decision based on thought, reflection, foresight, and heavy consideration. Rude people saying I shouldn't have kids are no different than some comfy shoe wearing, stretch pants donning, can't be bothered with make-up mom telling you that you will "come to your senses." What nonsense.

Smart Women!!! WooHoo!

[ricci]

Originally Posted by Bad Kitty

LOL Ricci! It is a mix of both... I work in a 200 person office with about 300 people milling through every week. I am a member of a large motorcycling community where I live and that is a big source of anti-child protestors. People that say this have never (except 1 odd woman) met my children. Motorcycling is not a child friendly sport and I am definitely a minority in the facts that, I am married, have children, and own a home.

Meow.

hahhah you know I am kidding
when is the last time you gave one of those mommas a bit ol' STFU ?

[Bad Kitty]

It goes like this... "I can't make it to the party, my sitter cancelled. Next time!" "That is why you are stupid for having kids and I will always be a genius with freedom because I have made the only sensible decision on the planet which is being kid free. In fact, I have no idea why all mothers sre so idiotic to have kids? Don't they understand they will have no freedom or money ever? How dumb can you get? ME: "STFU!" Forget it, I'm goin' ghetto... Now, or I will again!

LOL

[laura]

I can see it both ways. I *think* I want kids one day far, far from now, but another part of me would love to be childless and just have a good ol' pack of dogs. Still kinda conflicted...but I have roughly 10 years to sort out my feelings . Or find a baby daddy. You know..

Having kids so you'll have someone to take care of you in your old age is a horrid reason for having children, IMHO. I skimmed the thread, and I think someone was saying how sad it was that the OP wouldn't have someone to take care of her in her old age. Having children is no guarantee that someone will be there to take care of you! Premature deaths, estrangements, etc. are sad but real possibilities. In addition, I was just reading today in my risk management and insurance textbook...

"While in prior years such person may often have moved in with their grown children, this solution is expected to be less viable in future years. Reasons include geographic dispersion of families, more childless couples, more life-long singles, and increased incidence of family arrangements such that no one can be at home throughout the day to care for elderly relatives. For most people in the United States today, the preceding factors combine to increase the probability that they will need some type of assistance in living in the future." [pgs 66-7 from "Risk Management and Insurance" by Treischmann, Sommer, and Hoyt.]

The text then goes on to explain about long term care in various types of nursing homes and assisted living facilities. I've read this type of material (children taking care of their parents becoming a less viable option for the general population) in a few other classes as well. The only way to ensure you'll be taken care of in your old age is to plan well financially. Life happens. Sometimes children won't be there, or maybe they want to be there but can't afford the financial burden that an additional dependent creates...

Okay, back on track...the above rant is in no way directed at anyone in particular...a comment I read just got me thinking...

[MerdeCat]

Laura,

I feel the same way about kids now that I did when I was a teenager. In some respects, the choice will always be "incomplete" until you reach a point when you just can't have kids anymore. People do change their minds.

If you decide you don't want kids and you have a spouse who does (or you think he does), it can be very confusing. You just have to go with your heart. You probably already know what you want deep down. People do change a lot, but in some respects we stay the same.

[MerdeCat]

Originally Posted by PrincessOfFabulousity

In your first post, I think it came off that way.

I can maybe see that, but I was simply giving a reason not having kids is valid. Maybe I'm defensive because everyone expects you to reproduce it seems.

The truth is, some people don't think about how we as humans affect the environment. It's selfish to just keep adding more and more and more to that. I'm not saying we should be China and restrict how many kids each person has, but I do think each person has the responsibility to consider how their actions will affect future generations.

[PrincessOfFabulousity]

Originally Posted by MerdeCat

The truth is, some people don't think about how we as humans affect the environment.

Very true, but that definitely doesn't pertain to everyone with kids.

This subject is probably so sensitive because reproducing has been in our human genes for millions of years...it's a natural instinct, it's how life goes. Sure we could "do the planet a favor" and stop having kids, but if everyone did that, when our environment is in "tip top shape" they'll be no one here to enjoy it....

[Bad Kitty]

Originally Posted by MerdeCat

I can maybe see that, but I was simply giving a reason not having kids is valid. Maybe I'm defensive because everyone expects you to reproduce it seems.

The truth is, some people don't think about how we as humans affect the environment. It's selfish to just keep adding more and more and more to that. I'm not saying we should be China and restrict how many kids each person has, but I do think each person has the responsibility to consider how their actions will affect future generations.

Actually, not to shoot holes in your theory, but.... the families I am friends with do more to recycle, reuse, and conserve than any single people I know. I think there is a sense f security that comes with being single, like anonymity in a way.

I think that generalizing about anything just creates travelling misinformation and we should all make efforts to spread only the truth. I also take it personally that you think having children is environmentally irresponsible.

[MerdeCat]

Originally Posted by Bad Kitty

Actually, not to shoot holes in your theory, but.... the families I am friends with do more to recycle, reuse, and conserve than any single people I know. I think there is a sense f security that comes with being single, like anonymity in a way.

I think that generalizing about anything just creates travelling misinformation and we should all make efforts to spread only the truth. I also take it personally that you think having children is environmentally irresponsible.

Don't take it personally. It's a fact that we all consume a lot just by being born and growing old. Look it up. Google it. Millions of people will agree with me. Watch "Planet in Peril." I never said it was "irresponsible" to have kids, but only that some people don't consider the impact. Look at my post again.

This is being taken out of context. Of course I don't think we should all stop having kids. I'm not trying to tell anyone what to do. I was just saying that not having children is better for the environment because of how much one person consumes in their lifetime. Of course we need to keep having children.

I'm not single. My husband and I recycle too. We are a family too, without kids. Please don't generalize about "single" people... And don't accuse me of generalizing. You just did it, not me.

PLEASE don't take everything so literally.

[QueenMaa]

Ricci LOL. Sometimes you get things even when you don't want them and sometimes even when you want things you don't get them.

[ricci]

Originally Posted by QueenMaa

Ricci LOL. Sometimes you get things even when you don't want them and sometimes even when you want things you don't get them.

tell me about it queenie! I could tell you a story about a wild weekend wayyyy back when where I got something I didn't want

[oregongal]

I'm not usre how much my two cents is worth - but I think it's better to realize you don't want kids than to have them and not take care of them or give them what they need!

I have 10 kids, two biological, 7 adopted and 1 foster child. My hubby and I spend our days(and nights) taking care of the children who were not wanted by their parents - or the parents weren't able to take proper care of their kids due to their lifestyle choices. Some of our kids were sexually abused or neglected.

Yep, children should definitely be wanted and then loved and cared for like they deserve to be.

[ricci]

whew! you pioneers will have no worries about your kids taking care of you when you get old!

Originally Posted by oregongal

I'm not usre how much my two cents is worth - but I think it's better to realize you don't want kids than to have them and not take care of them or give them what they need!

I have 10 kids, two biological, 7 adopted and 1 foster child. My hubby and I spend our days(and nights) taking care of the children who were not wanted by their parents - or the parents weren't able to take proper care of their kids due to their lifestyle choices. Some of our kids were sexually abused or neglected.

Yep, children should definitely be wanted and then loved and cared for like they deserve to be.

[PrettyinPink]

I certainly don't think people should be judged for not having children. It is such a personal choice. And sometimes people may just be waiting until they are at a better place in their life to have children, and that might not be for awhile. I know I certainly couldn't be a parent right now, but I want to be one day. I would rather just have the baby magically appear,though. I don't want to be pregnant. I was in Ann Taylor Loft a few weeks ago and saw their cute maternity line, and I thought, "well at least I'll get to look cute," that might be the only thing I would like about it!

[MerdeCat]

OregonGal, I agree with you.

Pretty, maybe you can adopt if you don't want to be pregnant?