Battered Women

Sad to know that there are a lot of women out there who don't want to admit that they have been beaten by their husbands or partners. For how long will they continue to hide in the dark and condone these things that happen to them? Is it really love? I hate to hear it if it's really love.

What is your opinion about this?

this is a sad reality that occurs everywhere...some women are probably afraid to stand up to their husbands.

my bestfriend used to be a battered wife. and then she got fed up and left him with their 3 kids.

that's nice to hear, but what is sad about that situation is that she had to leave at all

yeah, but come to think of it, she has better life now. her husband is nuts. he wouldn't let her go out with her friends or mingle with anyone. he's so insecure.

i think it has more to do with the husband being dominating and selfish than being insecure

It's hard to say with every situation. I think in some cases the women are afraid of what would happen if they left. And some don't think they deserve better. It's all very sad.

yeah, i'm feeling depressed just talking about it, i've seen it a lot of times but they are people i am not really close to, nonetheless, its really sad

[pinkbag]

its different in different cases...some women endure it for love, some for their family ie.e their kids and some for the so-called reputation in the society...so it is sad but very few get the opportunity as well as the guts to leave for a better life..

well, i just hope that they will have the courage to leave their husbands but it is really already a lost case for many women

[kitsch_k]

yeah many already have that learned helplessness..they prefer to just stay since they think its hopeless anyway...

Originally Posted by fuzzycat

my bestfriend used to be a battered wife. and then she got fed up and left him with their 3 kids.

Brave woman! I wish more and more are becoming like her.

It also helps that there are some organization who tackles and responds to these kinds of problems.

Would you say that there are some women who cannot or won't leave they're abusive husbands, because deep inside they wanted to be beaten or abused?

[LizF]

I personally have little experience with violence against women, outside of organizing against it.
I think what we can do as women to help women being victimized is to allign with organizations and events like V-Day (VDay.org), the National Organization for Women (now.org), and Take Back the Night. When we take a stand against violence, it might end.

[kitsch_k]

yeah it's better now that it was before because there are a lot of support groups out there..battered women are more courageous because they know will be supported

What is your opinion about this?



[/quote]

In my case I was young and my parents were letting me do my own thing I never told them he beat me it is not love it is a lack of confidence. I was in a fighting relationship he would hit me I would hit me back and of course he won and when I was in a place where I could take care of myself and respect myself I left.

[etali]

My ex was psychologically abusive, but was also my first serious relationship. I thought it was 'just me' and accepted him manipulative and controlling behaviour.

Things got worse over a long period of time. One day he hit me, and I hit him back. I was annoyed, and considered leaving, but had been with him so long I couldn't face leaving. A few months later he destroyed some of my possessions and tried to lock me in the utility cupboard to stop me from going out.

I left him that night, and never looked back.

I think a lot of the time the relationship was loving once, but like mine it changed over time, and it takes something serious (like getting locked in a cupboard!) to make you realise how bad things have gotten.

[DianneMK]

I was married to a batterer.Nothing I did was right in his eyes,so I got beat up alot.He even beat me up when I was 7 months pregnant with our second daughter and that was one of the reasons I think she was born a 2# 3oz preemie.He kicked me in my pregnant belly and made me fall backwards in to a dry bathtub.

[DianneMK]

Oh....he went out one night and never came back.So I took my 3 daughters and moved back into my mom's house.I am glad that I left and never looked back.

[britjojo]

I was married to a violent man too. He was controlling, kept me broke and sometimes locked me in the house and took away my keys. I left in the end with our daughter and never went back.

I cannot understand why women would put up with this for a drawn out time. I can see giving the man a chance, a reasonable chance to fix himself up. But once his actions are being repeated more often, I can't see why they don't realise he will never change Men like that make my blood boil.

[DianneMK]

My violent ex was very controlling too.He just had to know who I was with(my mom),where I went(to the store for food for my girls),and how much did I spend(food stamps).He was just jealous of my family.He didn't work but I did before I got fs of course..and got paid every Thursday with a hefty paycheck.After I cashed it and went to bed,he stole all my money except for $1.00 for lunch.He even got made at me one time and threw my min pin through my front screen door.She yelped because she was scared and she never came back.I didn't blame her.So the best thing thing he did was leave me and my kids.

[kitsch_k]

im shocked at all these stories. these men need to be punished for all this!!! i cant imagine having a life of such violence.

[britjojo]

Dianne that's awful. I am so glad that you are no longer with him, because guys like that tend to escalate their actions in order to maintain control. Who knows where it would have ended up.

[elaine130]

OMG! These stories of physical violence are so sad! Etali, Dianne and Britjojo - I am so relieved that you all have found the strength to survive such horrendous relationships.

And what's most important is that you are sparing your children from having to observe such behavior and then repeating it either as an abuser OR as one who's abused! I can only imagine it's so difficult to leave a situation and feel so downtrodden to the point that staying in that situation is the best option. I hope that some of these women find help, or even get some CBT therapy to find out why they stay in such relationships, then hopefully change their self-concept and attitude and find the strength to move out and feel that they DESERVE better!

A few years ago when I was still working, one of my co-worker friends who was a guy (around 50 yrs old?) once opened up to me that his father was very verbally abusive to him from a very young age. When he was younger, the guy was a scholar athlete and very popular, but to his father he was always a no-good loser. The father favored the guy's cousin who was not academically minded at all but instead a "street-wise" kinda guy who talked the talk a lot. This co-worker told me that his mother was very narcissistic, controlling and demanded a lot from her son (only child). The mother and father had a bitter marriage full of rants and no hold-barred loud and bitter arguments (right in front of their child, for god's sake!) until finally the father punched the mother, she hit back and then the father ended up breaking her ribs! The mother left with her son (he was 9) and altho the son kept a relationship with the father thru school, college and grad school, when he entered his late 30's, father and son decided to mutually break off the relationship with each other, the father still thought the son was no good and that he should have turned out like his cousin, the fast-talker schmoozer who could barely hold a job. My co-worken then said that to this day they only send each other cards for christmas, bday and father's day. I haven't spoken to that co-worker in a long while, I wonder if he's maintained the estrangement with his father. I hope so, for his sake.

[britjojo]

It really does sound in that case like estrangement is the very healthiest thing that could come of the relationship. Some people just are not cut out to be parents, and it makes me wish that there was some law.....I dunno, just something that protected children better in cases like this.

[elaine130]

Fortunately, this co-worker of mine was a WONDERFUL human being of a man! Happily married. Great guy. God has gifted many children of dysfuntional families with RESILIENCE!