Mother in laws

rusty2rusty · #1 (**permalink**) 03-25-2008, 11:24 PM

Do you have any problems with your mothe rin law?

I know alot of wives do. They feel they can't compete with their MIL with their husbands. I feel I am lucky and have a rather alright MIL.

luvbunnies42 · #2 (**permalink**) 03-26-2008, 12:43 AM

You had to open the flood gate. Here comes the strong emotions that are gushing your way. Where to begin... I used to adore my mother in law. Things were great for awhile.I actually knew her before I met my husband.We worked together for awhile. Things were great intil he proposed and since then it's been a nightmare.

I'll give everyone a little synopsis. I haven't lived at home with my parents since I was 16. By the age of 17 I lived with my now husband, his mother, and his step father. Things were great intil we got engaged. I'm truely not sure what changed. I was in school yet and working part time.My then fiance and I were working on getting a house. I would've been 19 by the time we closed and moved into the house we were getting.A week before closing the who deal fell through. I was working one evening and when my fiance came to get me he told me his mom gave us 2 days to move out! We had no where to go.

Since then things have been horrible.Things started getting awkward before we left. I no longer trust her and honestly don't like her. I'm not crazy about two faced people.She even went as far as telling my best friend and coworker to talk to me about not having children with her son because she didn't want to be a grandma! Seriously, that hurt me the most. It's not her choice and she doesn't even know we did have a miscarriage. She set up job interviews without my knowlesge then complained to people that I wasnt cooking meals for everyone everynight and cleaning up after her cat. I'm sorry but I took care of our things. (Meaning the downstairs half of the house.) I did cook dinner off and on for everyone. I don't think it was our resposibility though to buy groceries to have them constantly eaten by his family before we even got to eat. I felt bad for my step father inlaw. He's a great guy but there is only so much frozen pizza and microwave meals you can see a guy eat when his wife doesn't cook dinner for him.

We didn't talk again intil recently. My husband and his mother didn't speak either. We got married and she didn't even find out intil recently.She also didn't know anything about my pregnancy or our daughter intil she was almost a year old. I wont allow my daughter to be watched by her and we never stay long if we are there. We only started talking recently because I'm trying to be a bigger person though it's truely hard at times.So many horrible things she has done and has said behind my back to my family and my husband and it hurts tremendously.

I guess that makes me someone with mother in law issues, one of the many ladies I suppose.

MerdeCat · #3 (**permalink**) 03-26-2008, 09:17 PM

My mother in law is great. She more conservative than me, but we get along.

jimmys devoted · #4 (**permalink**) 03-30-2008, 03:07 PM

Youmaythink me terrible but here it goes:
my first husband mom was ok at first. She hated me of fteh start and we knew it. I was jewish, niot rich and a thinker. So that was her first personailty. Her second persoanlity and I got along. we had lunch, talked, did laundry.. it was great....
Herthrid personality not nly didnt liek me, she defrred all emotion to her husband who distrusted me.......
So when she died, because she didnt eat ( her doctor told her that eating willcause her to have a heart attack and another told her to eat only chicke she at a single chicken sandwich once a week! it was no wonder she died in her sleep of pernicous anemia) at teh funeral she was laid out in a nice casket, but I ahve a mean strak in humor, so as people came in taht I knew disliked her or had a sense of humor behind her back, i reached in and said took her hand and waved hello.....
Ok. so some got kick out of saying tha teh most umor she has had ever in her life. so... even her pasture thought it was funny,,,, we bought abaloon tied a welkl wish to it and when she was buried we sent it up so she would have a card waiting
on her from her only grand daughter. Whom she write out of her will after she knew she was here as if she didnt know her. but thats another can of worms.

anyway my now husbnands mother blew hot and cold over me so there was no love lost there. I diodnt like thats he died a slwo death that coudl ahve been prevented had the medical care been better, but she had her sparkling moments.

thats my two or is it four events with MIL. does MPS each personality considered a different MIL????

julie

KJ · #5 (**permalink**) 04-05-2008, 02:05 PM

Well, I'm not married yet, so I don't techniquelly have a mother in law, YET. But I love my boyfriends mom! Since I haven't been living at home for months now she's been treating me like I'm her own daughter. She does a lot for me.

I know a lot of people who have problems with their mother in law though. My mom NEVER got along with my dad's mom. In fact I don't even talk to my dad's parents because my mom doesn't talk to them. I'm not exactly sure why they hate eachother so much, but they sure do show it!

luvbunnies42 · #6 (**permalink**) 04-05-2008, 11:47 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by KJ

Well, I'm not married yet, so I don't techniquelly have a mother in law, YET. But I love my boyfriends mom! Since I haven't been living at home for months now she's been treating me like I'm her own daughter. She does a lot for me.

I know a lot of people who have problems with their mother in law though. My mom NEVER got along with my dad's mom. In fact I don't even talk to my dad's parents because my mom doesn't talk to them. I'm not exactly sure why they hate eachother so much, but they sure do show it!

All I can say is be careful.My MIL and I were close and she was like a mother to me intil my husband proposed.After that she became evil, vendictive and was so two faced. I lived with them and was in a similar situation to you. So..things may be good now but later down the road they may change. It also may not.I never thought my MIL would do things she did but...she did and now I really can't stand her.

KJ · #7 (**permalink**) 04-06-2008, 01:29 AM

luvbunnies42 - That must suck. I would hate to not get along with my MIL. I hope my boyfriend's mom doesn't end up like that! I don't think she will though. She likes us together she wouldn't care if we got married tomorrow

luvbunnies42 · #8 (**permalink**) 04-06-2008, 11:42 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by KJ

luvbunnies42 - That must suck. I would hate to not get along with my MIL. I hope my boyfriend's mom doesn't end up like that! I don't think she will though. She likes us together she wouldn't care if we got married tomorrow

It does suck.I hope it doesn't change for you.I often wonder what our families would be like if none of the crap happened that did. It's a whole other story with my husband's father though.I love my father in law. We often have differences in opinions but once we arque and get over it.Really that only happened once or twice in the last year and that's because he sometimes has a male pig way of thinking.

aehbamfan · #9 (**permalink**) 04-07-2008, 06:40 PM

I'm fortunate in that I get along with my MIL fairly well. We occasionally have issues, but it's never anything major.

She does seem to get jealous of me on occasion, but nothing serious has come out of it.

Katclub · #10 (**permalink**) 04-09-2008, 12:55 PM

My MIL and I get along great, but there are times when I do bite my lip and let things - small things - roll off.

The oddest thing she does is whenever she sees a very beautiful woman she always mentions it to my husband - in front of me. She'll say things like: "she is stunning", "her figure is amazing", "her legs are so long". I don't get it. Hubby thinks it's funny, and so do I actually. Good thing I don't have a fragile ego.

luvbunnies42 · #11 (**permalink**) 04-09-2008, 02:47 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Katclub

My MIL and I get along great, but there are times when I do bite my lip and let things - small things - roll off.

The oddest thing she does is whenever she sees a very beautiful woman she always mentions it to my husband - in front of me. She'll say things like: "she is stunning", "her figure is amazing", "her legs are so long". I don't get it. Hubby thinks it's funny, and so do I actually. Good thing I don't have a fragile ego.

See, that I could deal with.My hubby and I would play it off like you and your hubby do.But when your hubby's ex girlfriend is harassing you and your hubby and it's been over 6 years since they broke up and they only even dated a few months. *Like 5* and she's not over it.There is a problem.Then your MIL defends her by saying she got hit in the head with a baseball as a kid.Note- the comment was not meant in a joking matter but meant in she's stalking me and my hubby because of this. Thank goodness it finally stopped.But, back when all this was happening and we came to her for help since she works for a lawyer and we were told it's more civil she didn't even help us. That I can't ignore.

Katclub · #12 (**permalink**) 04-09-2008, 03:17 PM

Luvbunnies42, Yikes! That must have been hard to deal with, your MIL not assisting AND defending her. Thank goodness it stopped.

luvbunnies42 · #13 (**permalink**) 04-09-2008, 03:37 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Katclub

Luvbunnies42, Yikes! That must have been hard to deal with, your MIL not assisting AND defending her. Thank goodness it stopped.

It was. The thing is she said she didn't even like her.She wasn't even really around his family at all. I knew his mother before I even knew my hubby.His ex would drive by the house and at 2 in the morning her and her current boyfriend would blast the stereo and honk the horn.She came into my job, had her friend too and later would post messages and knew exactly what I was wearing or did at work.I was always busy at work..who knew they were watching intil later.Our mail box even got blew up with an M80 when we moved to my mother's for awhile.I still think she was behind it but the cops wouldn't even look into it.So,many things happened...from online harassment and copying pictures of me and my hubby and scratching out my face and just plain hateful childish behavior.What makes it worse is her mother got involved and she works for a judge so any complaint we had probally would've got tossed out.My MIL made the excuse that every now and then I run into her mother. I'm there like who cares...we are getting harassed and stalked and no one is doing anything!

I still think she had mental issues.I'm just glad it's over with.I was even worried when I became pregnant because I was worried she'd try to snatch my daughter.I will say living in fear from this crap.....DON'T DO IT! If you go through something don't let it affect you like I did.If I wouldn't love my hubby I wouldn't have dealt with this crap.

jennylemon · #14 (**permalink**) 06-26-2008, 12:51 PM

She's nice to me - my only problem is she's old and bores me to death

MarthaT · #15 (**permalink**) 10-29-2008, 08:42 PM

I get on fine with mine, shes so mad haha its great

Designers Loft · #16 (**permalink**) 10-30-2008, 01:59 AM

Mother in law used to live with us until i feel as if im the outsider because of a lot of reasons. I just didnt feel as if its my house anymore

Informed my husband and he understood. Now my mother in law is living with her daughter.

cupcake · #17 (**permalink**) 03-18-2009, 03:38 AM

I'm not married yet...but it looks like its going to head in that direction...I don't see myself and he doesn't see himself with anyone else!...but anywho...his mother was super intimidating...she has this conservative persona and you don't really know how to act...but later as I got to know her she's a very outgoing spontaneous person...I went shopping with her and I couldn't keep up! I hope we continue to have a good relationship many years to come...

cheese157 · #18 (**permalink**) 03-18-2009, 01:55 PM

I recently married for the second time. And though my new mother-in-law is pretty hard to deal with, I believe all mothers-in-law are. My new mother in law has the bonus of the fact that my first mother in law was one of the most horrible people I've ever met. My one piece of advice is: be honest with your mother in law, don't just ignore her. It really doesn't do anyone any good, and your husband will resent you for pushing her out of your lives. You have to realize that you have to do what's best for your mental health. You don't have to be the perfect daughter in law, but you can't completely shut her out. It doesn't help anyone.

Zetty · #19 (**permalink**) 03-25-2009, 10:54 AM

My MIL is quite decent if you can eat all day and praise it too

Katclub · #20 (**permalink**) 04-23-2009, 11:58 AM

Since my initial response to this MIL thread, a lot has changed. Shortly after my response (I believe it was April of 2008) my husband was diagnosed with cancer. He is doing quite well now, but for nearly a year it was pretty rough. During his illness, his mother would often ask me if there was anything she could do. While I greatly appreciated the offer, there really was little she could do - she is 70 years old, and a bit weak. Husband's care required a lot of running around, preparing food, bathing...you get the picture. Anyway, I didn't feel she could really handle the physical aspect. She offered to prepare food, but what he felt like eating was always a last minute decisuon based on his appetine.

My house was a mess. I would empty the dishwasher and completely fill it up again - and still have dirty dishes in the sink. I made sure to have the house clean so as not to contribute to any infections hubby may get. One day I asked MIL if she would help me clean the house, do the dishes, etc. Her response: "Oh yeah, right" like it was a joke or something.

She did, however, tell me she wanted to prepare Thanksgiving dinner at my house, so hubby didn't have to travel the 15 miles to her home (he had radical surgery two weeks prior to Thanksgiving). She told me it was to allow me a day off from cooking and doing household things. Well, she brought over the salmon (we don't do turkey), but I wound-up doing all the cooking, preparing, and after dinner clean up.

I really do adore my MIL, but sometines it seems as though she is not as sincere as she portrays. Guess I'll take it as a lesson to be learned.

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